Well this is interesting- While I was in New York over Christmas vacation at Renee's- I took a pregnancy test, and there were 2 lines. This confused me because on the directions it clearly stated that 2 lines meant one was pregnant. One was stumped. Not that it could've been impossible because I am a healthy and functional 24 year old, dispite the diabetes. Bottom Line- Pregnant. So this is a good thing... Since the 1st of January I have quit smoking, and have upped my usual dose of mood swings 75% blaming it solely on the pregnancy. Quitting smoking was unbearable. GUT WRENCHING to say the least. I was not ready to quit. I do know it is a wonderful thing and that there are so many benefits to quitting and none from smoking.bla bla bla. and that it is just plain stupid, but I sincerely enjoyed my cigarettes- I felt so melancholy and artistic when I smoked, and it gave me something to do besides bite my nails. They were an emotional crutch, and a hobby, a friend and a 6 minute thrill of entertainment to my hands and mouth. I bid them farewell. I will never go back. Tonight after dinner there was some people smoking outside the restaurant and it actually smelled bad. I wasn't sure if I was being a traitor or just realizing that smoking was not my friend... those cigarettes hadn't missed me, and I wasn't letting anyone down except maybe the guy who designs coffins. We move Tuesday for good... the house is fabulous and Terry (my sister) gave me a bunch of furniture and a full nursery for our new life. I am grateful. I am grateful to be healthy (as much as I can be)... I pray my baby is safe and healthy and happy. I am grateful that I have a wonderful man to be by my side FOREVER. I hope tomorrow is brighter and that I can pull my emotions together and be more peaceful, for Nicks sake. I am so grateful for the great life I have. Also I got a Saab. I returned the beast from hell that ran through a full tank in 4 days (isuzu ascender, dont get it) and got a saab who's fuel gage has not moved from full since I bought it. (Did I just refer to the car as a "who"??)
Nick and I have to go pick Zoe up at a bar- I don't wanna be home alone.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
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